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<\/a>You need to run into the grocery store for a few items.\u00a0 Your child (pick any age) is in the car.\u00a0 To shop or not to shop? \u00a0What do you need to have your child comply \u2013 candy, electronics*, or some enticement – to get through the activity with good behavior.\u00a0 Every parent faces these moments.\u00a0 All too often parents come into my office not realizing that their actions create more problems between them and their child.<\/p>\nWhen your child is young, why do they act out?\u00a0 The four most common functions of a child\u2019s acting out behavior are sensory, escape, attention<\/em>, and tangible<\/em> or SEAT.\u00a0 The why<\/em> behind a child\u2019s behavior can often fall under one of these categories.<\/p>\n Back to the grocery store \u2013 it has music, fluorescent lighting, and lots of items to attract attention.\u00a0 A child\u2019s sensory experience can be overstimulated – the S in SEAT.\u00a0 **It is important to note that the child expressing certain behaviors due to sensory input is not trying to misbehave and may actually be in physical pain. ** Try to be proactive:\u00a0 with younger children bring a toy or fidget, older children might want to hold onto the cart, and adolescents might be asked to find an item to put in the cart allowing them to focus on a task rather than the distractions.<\/p>\n E in SEAT represents escape.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know about you but grocery shopping or sitting at dinner with people I barely know is not my idea of a good time.\u00a0 Often adult obligations are a child\u2019s fun-time nightmare.\u00a0 Kids will do whatever they can to get out of the situation and your first instinct may be to leave.\u00a0 If you believe that your child is acting out in order to escape a given situation the best thing you can do is stay.\u00a0 Find activities that may be engaging for the child.\u00a0 Come prepared with age appropriate distractions – coloring, I Spy, Cards, electronics*, etc.\u00a0 This doesn\u2019t mean we can\u2019t have them participate in the event; just know their limits and how far to push.<\/p>\n A or Attention.\u00a0 If given enough positive attention children feel rich and if deprived, they may begin to seek it out in alternative ways.\u00a0 All too often we find ourselves ignoring them when they are behaving only to engage when they do something wrong.\u00a0 Attend to the positive and ignore the negative.\u00a0 This is often the most difficult for parents.\u00a0 We are programed to intervene when a child misbehaves; the very notion of planned ignoring is foreign, and must be practiced.<\/p>\n T for Tangible.\u00a0 Your child will act out when they want something.\u00a0 The worst thing you can do in this situation is giving the child what they want in this moment.\u00a0 This is not to say we can never give our children treats or desired items.\u00a0 This is where planning comes into play.\u00a0 Before you begin a task or before you enter a location, speak with your child and establish the desired behavior, the rules, and the reward.\u00a0 Allow them to EARN the reward.\u00a0 It will give you the option of a dialogue about expectations and results if things go astray.\u00a0 Allowing them to work towards a reward gives them a way to feel accomplished.<\/p>\n This is not an exhaustive account of the functions of a behavior.\u00a0 Parenting is not easy.\u00a0 You must know your child and explore things that work best for both of you.\u00a0 By exploring the WHY behind certain behaviors, parents can begin to redirect situations that may have negative outcomes.\u00a0 So, the next time your child melts down at the grocery store or can\u2019t sit still at a restaurant, remember to take a SEAT before you take action.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n * Electronics and children \u2013 it\u2019s a slippery slope.\u00a0 See my next two blogs about electronics &children and social media & mental health.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"